Skip to main content

Dramatic Mental Healing

As of this month, when everyone goes to bed, I strip down to either complete nudity or just topless.  For so long I haven't really been able to just be nude with myself.  For too long clothes have covered up everything.  Tight and restricting.  Reminding me of the fat.  Negative fat.  Painful and sweaty.  Hot and rashy.  Constricting.  Just for too long. 

Off with the clothes!  Let me see my skin and body again!  And you know what?  It's really been helping me.  Freeing. 

This evening, I'm just topless, and I can feel Minoan energy around me--I can feel the Minoan Snake Goddess and Ariadne in my home, flowing through me.  I know other cultures have topless women and goddesses, but this is specific Minoan energy. 

I did a bit of belly dancing, mostly just the shimmies and the stretches--back is still healing, you know, I can't go HAM yet.  Still working on my flexibility and back strengthening. 

For a while I was ashamed and embarrassed about my body, but back-to-back pregnancies changed that.  Ain't no such thing as modesty in pregnancy.  I don't really care if others see my nude body.  The way I see it, you see one body, or tits for that matter, you've seen them all.  Ain't no one more special than the other.  I give zero shits.  Now that's not saying that I'm inconsiderate to my neighbors or anything that like.  Sometimes in public I do like to dress more modest, but not all of the time.

Sometimes clothes don't fit right.  They're tight and uncomfortable, a constant reminder of your physical flaws.

In the fall of last year, I stopped wearing bras.  They were painful and I was tried of getting rashes under the breasts and needing help to put on and take off the damn thing.  I still like wireless front fastening bras, but I don't wear any very often.  Especially as a larger woman, bras just suck.  Most of mine sit in the dresser, unloved.  Sometimes, especially during my cycle, I may wear them because of pain, but overall I don't really care.  Oh, and when I work out, I wear sports bra because jogging hurt my chest.  I need the added supoort. 

Let them be free and let em droop.  It's natural.  Bras aren't a thing everywhere and many women do just fine without them, but then they may not have impossible beauty standards that some other areas do.    Or stupid taboos.  Like I'm wearing a shirt, my tits are covered, I don't need to wear a bra to make you comfortable, and no, I'm not flirting.  I'm just not wearing a fuckin bra. 

I'm 35 and I've had 4 pregnancies, they're not going to stay perky without surgery, and I don't want that kind of surgery.  I ain't against it, but I don't want it.  It took me a while to love them.  Even when they were perky, I didn't love them.  A lot of that has to do with my abusive sexist pig father, who saw women as sex toys and servants. I hit what made me female for a long time. 

Then I felt ashamed for how pregnancy changed me.

How my breasts were two empty milk bags flapping in the breeze. 

But then last year, through Kat Shaw and other artists, I began to see my body and breast in a different light.  Society pressures women to reproduce.  Pregnancy changes out bodies.  Society scolds us for those changes that are some forced on women. 

I saw a photo shoot of a woman who did a post pregnancy photo shoot, loving her body for the miracle it gave her.  It changed the way that I see my drooping breasts and hips and other areas (not that I've ever had an issue with stretch marks).  I began to honor my body for producing life--for giving me my 4 boys, even if the oldest one died in miscarriage.  Nathan was here for an important reason.  The other three are healthy, happy, and smart.  My body helped create them.  Carried them for 37 and 34 wks(x2).

With the last baby, my body went into early labor because something was wrong.  When the nurses and doctors told me not to push, my body kept saying to push, which a nurse finally listened and let me push him out.  If we had waited any longer, my baby would've died.  He was in distress and they didn't know why.  The cord was wrapped around his neck.  My body knew and the rest is history.  I thank and honor her for that. 

I want to take care of my body and love her. 

The way that I see myself has changed dramatically. 

Today's card is:
"I am the truth of unconditional self love.  I am unstoppable.
It's time to be a "can" girl not a "can't" girl.
Focusing on what you are instead 
of what you're not will propel you
onto a path of self love
and adoration so unconditional
that you will be truly unstoppable."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Valuable Gemstones Vs Semi-Precious Gemstones - What is the Difference?

Customarily, the contrast between valuable gemstones and semi-valuable gemstones relied upon the diamonds qualities and its arrangement. Jewels that were uncommon and not effectively available to the majority were considered, 'valuable', to a limited extent since they were hardly known outside of the authorities who searched them out. The worth, in addition to restrictiveness of these gems is the thing that made them exceptionally wanted. The favored individuals who enhanced themselves in valuable pearls in past occasions were the blue-bloods who had the option to manage the cost of such extravagances. Interestingly, semi-valuable gemstones were known more for being natural or having mending properties as opposed to for their worth.

Valuable Gemstones

Initially, the initial five valuable pearls were jewels (obviously), emeralds, rubies, sapphires and amethysts (which were later renamed in light of the fact that they were too regular to be in any way thought to be valuable sub…

2020 Self Love Project

Long time, no post, eh?  I'm back, with a new attitude.  I sprained my back in September, vomiting from food poison.  I didn't like not being mobile.  It taught me to not take my mobility for granted, which I didn't realize that I was doing until I wasn't able to dance.

This year's been full of trials concerning my health.  In the beginning, I was hopeful.  Then I wasn't so hopeful.  Then I was back to self loathing.  I had gained a lot of weight back because I wasn't sticking to my diet or able to go to the park as often to jalk.  After my sprained my back and had to go to the ER for back spasms and learn that I couldn't get actual pain killers that did anything, THEN fight with my insurance to do their job, I was going to the park for short walks, but it wasn't enough.

I couldn't lay down on the floor for my usual leg and core exercises.  I couldn't really do squats.  I was limited to upper body and walking.  Some low impact belly dancing.  …

Reflect & Rise!

Since tis nearly the season of spring, I figured that I'd ask a Flora Goddess about planning and preparation, and Ariadne gave me two cards--Nettle and Samphire. Nettle was about learning from your past pains and letting them empower you. Showing you that you're stronger--give you strength for the future. Artist Kat Shaw's ...And Still I Rise Project came to mind. Then Ariadne told me told to "draw again" and I got Samphire--Adventure. She could've very well had me draw cards that literally mean planning and preparation, but She went a different route. Healing the past, drawing strength from your pains, for a good future. "No mud, no lotus", one of my favorite healing mantras. From our mud and underworlds, with preparation and planning, we shall rise to greet the sky, beautiful and free!

I love that I drew this card, "You Were Born to Shine."

#KatShawArtist#MayaSoulArt#AndStillIRise#Ariadne#NoMudNoLotus#WyrdDivination#PerceptionCheck#Hedgewit…